Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Bacteria, Protozoa, E.Coli, and Love...for my friend

   So, if you've taken part in the reading of my previous posts, it'll come as no surprise to you that I despise Johnny-on-the-spots. They are the bane of my existence. Horrid, horrid little creations. The guy that created Cheez-Its, awesome. The guy that created porta-potties, satan's spawn. I could go on for pages...but really, no one likes 'em so I would just be preachin' to the choir. Germs are gross. I agree. But the germaphobe that obsesses ( aside from my J-O-T-S obsession), may be worse. 
   Saturday night I'm out to dinner with a rather large group of friends. One of my girlfriend's, let's call her Summer, is seated directly to my right.  Now, mind you we are a large group and the waitress was quite busy. Thirsty and thoughtful, I decide to pour some of Summer's unused water into my glass.  Knowing that Miss Purell would flip if she saw the two lips of the glasses touch, I was very cautious to avoid this. As I set her glass down she stares (I mean lazer beams, lazer beams), sickened at the glass.  Assuming that she had not witnessed the transaction, I decide to explain ( or defend, whatever): "Dude! I totally DID NOT let the glasses touch!"  To which she replies, "You touched my glass though." What?! You know... because the bubonic plague is so relevant nowadays and whatnot.
    Fine, I let it go.  But, here's the kicker, today while talking to my friend Vanessa, whose nickname btw is Toes, alright, says "Well, she's let me eat off her plate before." She let Toes eat off her plate but freaks out when I touch her glass? Selective germaphobe...that sounds like a bunch of BS to me.  So, Vanessa promised that next weekend when she helps our buddy Sum move, she'll cough all over her belongings. In the meantime, I've been doing a little research online about germs, disgusting facts that no one has any business knowing, and tonight I will enlighten, and probably frighten her into paralysis with them. Like my mom always said, "You want something to cry about? I'll give ya something to cry about."


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