Bacteria, Protozoa, E.Coli, and Love...for my friend

   So, if you've taken part in the reading of my previous posts, it'll come as no surprise to you that I despise Johnny-on-the-spots. They are the bane of my existence. Horrid, horrid little creations. The guy that created Cheez-Its, awesome. The guy that created porta-potties, satan's spawn. I could go on for pages...but really, no one likes 'em so I would just be preachin' to the choir. Germs are gross. I agree. But the germaphobe that obsesses ( aside from my J-O-T-S obsession), may be worse. 

   Saturday night I'm out to dinner with a rather large group of friends. One of my girlfriend's, let's call her Summer, is seated directly to my right.  Now, mind you we are a large group and the waitress was quite busy. Thirsty and thoughtful, I decide to pour some of Summer's unused water into my glass.  Knowing that Miss Purell would flip if she saw the two lips of the glasses touch, I was very cautious to avoid this. As I set her glass down she stares (I mean lazer beams, lazer beams), sickened at the glass.  Assuming that she had not witnessed the transaction, I decide to explain ( or defend, whatever): "Dude! I totally DID NOT let the glasses touch!"  To which she replies, "You touched my glass though." What?! You know... because the bubonic plague is so relevant nowadays and whatnot.

    Fine, I let it go.  But, here's the kicker, today while talking to my friend Vanessa, whose nickname btw is Toes, alright, says "Well, she's let me eat off her plate before." She let Toes eat off her plate but freaks out when I touch her glass? Selective germaphobe...that sounds like a bunch of BS to me.  So, Vanessa promised that next weekend when she helps our buddy Sum move, she'll cough all over her belongings. In the meantime, I've been doing a little research online about germs, disgusting facts that no one has any business knowing, and tonight I will enlighten, and probably frighten her into paralysis with them. Like my mom always said, "You want something to cry about? I'll give ya something to cry about."

 

Arrested Development

Alright, so I have no fun pictures... and no funny stories about humiliating myself. However, I do have some super awesome good news. Oh yeah, three adjectives to describe it... it's that good. So, I think that David Cross is the funniest man alive. He is cynical and hateful and I love it! I also love to listen to comedy sketches while I work. I've listened to all of his about forty times over and I still laugh out loud. My brother told me that he recently heard David Cross was in a new movie, so of course, I decided to check it out. Guess what I found?  One of the funniest shows ever ( ever, ever) is being turned into a movie. That's right Arrested Development ( Jason Bateman, Portia de Rossi, Will Arnett, Michael Cera, and of course David Cross) is being turned into a full length feature film. I know, I know...it's a glorious day, right?  2009, me and my brother and tons of junk food smuggled in via my purse, at the movies laughing hysterically. I can't wait!

Karma's a bitch!

Hey, Katie Horner, thanks for ruining prime time television last night! Real cool. Aw, it wasn't so bad. Me and Am sat out on the deck watching the crazy storms roll in. It was quality time together.  She threw out some weather terms and raved about how awesome the storm was and I encouraged her to go back to college and get her degree in meteorology. Then I got pegged with a hail pellet. Which reminded me of a few years ago...when I decided to go head-to-head with karma. So, a couple of my friends tend to be a bit on the hippie side.  They own at least one tie-dye, drench themselves in patchouli, and often experiment with alternative deodorants. Lilac deodorant, organic mumbo jumbo, whatnot. Listen, it's called Speed Stick, don't complicate things hippies. Simple stuff, been around forever.  Needless to say I occasionally reject some of their philosophies. One night, while most likely on a cynical rant,  one of the hippies (we'll call them Sarah and Amy) say to me, "that's karma for you." To which I most likely replied along the lines of, "there's no such thing as karma, so save it!" Two seconds later a chunk of hail comes through the rolled down car window and pegs me in the head. The hippies laughed and laughed, feeling victorious. True story kids, take it from me, don't mess with karma in a hail storm.

In the bushes outside of Mike Lowery's house

I'm in love with Mike Lowery. Love him! So, a few weeks ago one of our art directors got back from a little illustration trade show in New York. She emails me immediately and says that his style reminded her of mine. I don't necessarily see it, but hey I'll take the compliment because I think he's great.  Then I was reading Julia Rothman's sketchbook series blog and stumbled upon him again. I'm in the midst of some researching at work and all I wanna do is hang out on his websites. Or in his front bushes with binoculars. Just kidding...kinda. On Etsy he has a print of bunnies eating dim sum. I think I'm gonna need that. Perfect for my new entryway with my collection of work from favorite artists. So, I suggest you take some time...preferably on your company's watch, and check him out. And Mike Lowery's neighbors, if you see me in the front lawn, don't call the cops, it's cool, I'm researching. 

David Sedaris, sprinkled with glitter

I am so excited! Tonight I will be investing in three sparkly new sketchbooks for the three new lines I've been asked to illustrate at work.  With the lines is also the promise that I will be able to work undisturbed...I think the way they put it was "off limits," I've been made "off limits" to the rest of the company. They're giving me sketchbooks and pens...and the luxury of privacy. It's kinda like winning an all-expenses-paid vacation. Although this all-inclusive vacation is in the Northland part of Kansas City, I'll still take it.  There is one catch however...I have to do 40 thousand mock-ups today before receiving my prize.  Needless to say I am slowly mutating into a spray mount glitter monster. Wherever I walk I'm sure to leave behind a pink glittery trail. Precious, huh? In our staff meeting a few hours ago a friend slid a piece of paper over to me, my favorite author ever is releasing his new book today, When You Are Engulfed in Flames. Unfortunately I'm playing this game where I act like a grown-up and budget...so the book will not be mine for a week or two.  I'm content just knowing it exists. A few years ago I was reading one of his books while on an airplane. I began laughing so hard I was literally gasping for breath, couldn't breathe. My head was in my lap laughing into the book, trying desperately to stop. The very thought of the story I had just read would send me right into another fit. I think I truly frightened the middle-aged woman to my left. It was great...so, I'm very excited to get the newest addition to his collection, and most likely humiliate myself in public once more.

Man, I'm good at weekends...and Scrabble. Right girls?

Horrible! Horrible, horrible, horrible! I've neglected you so blog. On the upside I have lots of great times ahead of me...and, fingers crossed, I'll be keeping up with posting.... lots of doodles, sprinkled with a few funny stories. So, hello again. I just had super, wonderful weekend number 2. Although I've had a bit of muck going on...I'm feeling almost unfairly blessed. Friday night I was fortunate enough to see one of my favorite bands. They flippin' rocked...it was a perfect, perfect night...the weather was beautiful and they played my very favorite song last during their encore. Thanks, guys. Then on Saturday I spent the day with my three wonderful, wonderful best friends. My friend Amy threw a memorial party in the park for her mother who passed away 5 years ago. It was incredible... Amy created a beautiful day that her mother would have absolutely loved. So, we remembered an amazing woman, exchanged lots of hugs, wore summer dresses, laughed together, and I got to take baby for his first trip down a slide in the park.  Then, later that night I dominated Jen and Sarah at Scrabble. I mean, I killed them. They should be embarrassed.  I bet if you added both of their scores together it still couldn't have touched mine. Jen will have to refresh my memory...I displayed the score sheet on her fridge, a reminder that I am a Scrabble savant. I should go on a scrabble championship tour. I need to clear out a place on my shelf for a new, shiny trophy. 

I have to thank my girl Val for going up to the plate for me...talking me up to the big wigs and getting me some awesome new assignments at work.  I love doing illustrations for kid's stuff. It's muy, muy fun. After I clock out though, this is what I'll be working on. I've written a couple children's books about this little guy, Bixby Gato, now I just gotta get busy illustrating. He's gonna be my new boyfriend for awhile, we'll be spending many evenings together. Lucky guy.