Wednesday, July 30, 2008

crazy, awesome deaths that are super unlikely

Ah, computer update training week at work. Seven fun-filled hours a day learning how stuff works. It's not fun kids. See, my thing is drawing stuff. Designing stuff. Sometimes falling down, sometimes accidently breaking stuff. These are my strengths. Retaining hours upon hours of computer lessons, weakness. So, to entertain ourselves me and my good ol' buddy Kimmy decided that we should send illustrated death threats to each other across the class. Sweet right? A few days ago my friend Kim requested a friend divorce adding that she would rather be hit by a car than apologize for hurtful words she spoke about an embarrassing, but awesome band I love. I reminded Kim that hit and run accidents and divorces go hand in hand and that later that afternoon I would be renting a Ford Festiva to take her ass out with. I recommended she invest in a helmet and wear it at all times. Just in case. So, that's where the first illustration began. Awe, it all started with a Ford Festiva. 

Watch out Kimmy! You never know when a Ford Festiva's gonna be gunning it around a corner, coming for your ass! 

Next, I wished Kim a death threat by her imaginary, drug-dealing boyfriend's python. All drug-dealers have pythons or tarantulas, everyone knows that.

We work out close to an airport so of course, work with what ya got. Airplanes purposely swooping down specifically to decapitate Kim. If I were a pilot I would totally do that.  

Finally, Kim orchestrated her own death. An escape buffalo that knocks off a lawn mowing business, runs her ass over with a mower then stomps on all the tiny, mangled pieces! Awesome! Oh yeah, but then she also tries to defend herself with mace. Everybody knows that buffaloes are immune to mace. Get smart Kim!

I know I may come off as a little creepy here...obsessed with death but hey, that's what 7 hours of computer training does to people. It's not my fault man. Kim was not completely innocent in the whole thing either. My favorite death of myself was me wandering through a zoo wearing a steak suit. Brilliant. I would love to have shown it but Kim's illustration skills are crazy weak. If I don't get her a cyanide sandwich for Christmas I may just get her a drawing class.