Chicks, man.

So, I'm insanely excited right now. A little busy....but still finding a little time to get fired up. A few of my favorite things in the entire world include: creating new bodies of work (of my art), discussing art with other artists...becoming inspired by them and learning from their process, networking in my local art community, and helping new artists whenever I can. So, I decided to crumple all of those ideas into a big ball and create a new show out of it. Xx Chromosome (the name may change, just something I came up with on a whim) is a new show opening April 3, 2009 at the Late Show Gallery in the Crossroads District here in KC. The concept of the show is to highlight the female artist, recognizing the importance of the feminine hand in contemporary art. The show will explore the processes, inspiration, use of materials, and each artist's growth through their individual work. The highlighted artists include women who are  experienced showing their work in galleries locally and nationally, and women who are not as experienced with this process. My hopes with this show is that it be interactive, encouraging a vessel for networking and discussing common interests. I'm so inspired by it that I think I may turn this into an annual affair showcasing different female artists every year. For this year though I have been incredibly fortunate...I'm getting to work with some beautiful artists that I admire immensely. The artists line-up includes: Maura Cluthe, Ellie Kort, Rachel Kort, Catherine Armbrust, Tiffany Matson, and Ali Moline. Exciting stuff eh? Don't worry, this show's my new baby so I'll be posting plenty of updates, including features about each of these awesome women. Lucky you.

Plethora...

....is one of my favorite words. I love that word. It reminds me of a giant garage full of junk or an eccentric old woman's jewelry box. I don't know why, it just does. Here's a plethora of crap I like to doodle about.....

I just got my new steak suit fitted...I think I look pretty damn good.

So, last week me and Kim were busy at work...thinking up awesome but unlikely ways to kill each other. I previously mentioned that Kim's illustration skills leave much to be desired. However, I took for granted the fact that my homegirl is a graphic designer with some mad program skills. This was in my inbox this morning. It gives me warm fuzzies. Next week I think we should move on to concepting epitaphs.

This is my steak suit. I only wear it out on special occasions...like when I'm going to the zoo and I want to die.

crazy, awesome deaths that are super unlikely

Ah, computer update training week at work. Seven fun-filled hours a day learning how stuff works. It's not fun kids. See, my thing is drawing stuff. Designing stuff. Sometimes falling down, sometimes accidently breaking stuff. These are my strengths. Retaining hours upon hours of computer lessons, weakness. So, to entertain ourselves me and my good ol' buddy Kimmy decided that we should send illustrated death threats to each other across the class. Sweet right? A few days ago my friend Kim requested a friend divorce adding that she would rather be hit by a car than apologize for hurtful words she spoke about an embarrassing, but awesome band I love. I reminded Kim that hit and run accidents and divorces go hand in hand and that later that afternoon I would be renting a Ford Festiva to take her ass out with. I recommended she invest in a helmet and wear it at all times. Just in case. So, that's where the first illustration began. Awe, it all started with a Ford Festiva. 

Watch out Kimmy! You never know when a Ford Festiva's gonna be gunning it around a corner, coming for your ass! 

Next, I wished Kim a death threat by her imaginary, drug-dealing boyfriend's python. All drug-dealers have pythons or tarantulas, everyone knows that.

We work out close to an airport so of course, work with what ya got. Airplanes purposely swooping down specifically to decapitate Kim. If I were a pilot I would totally do that.  

Finally, Kim orchestrated her own death. An escape buffalo that knocks off a lawn mowing business, runs her ass over with a mower then stomps on all the tiny, mangled pieces! Awesome! Oh yeah, but then she also tries to defend herself with mace. Everybody knows that buffaloes are immune to mace. Get smart Kim!

I know I may come off as a little creepy here...obsessed with death but hey, that's what 7 hours of computer training does to people. It's not my fault man. Kim was not completely innocent in the whole thing either. My favorite death of myself was me wandering through a zoo wearing a steak suit. Brilliant. I would love to have shown it but Kim's illustration skills are crazy weak. If I don't get her a cyanide sandwich for Christmas I may just get her a drawing class.

Bacteria, Protozoa, E.Coli, and Love...for my friend

   So, if you've taken part in the reading of my previous posts, it'll come as no surprise to you that I despise Johnny-on-the-spots. They are the bane of my existence. Horrid, horrid little creations. The guy that created Cheez-Its, awesome. The guy that created porta-potties, satan's spawn. I could go on for pages...but really, no one likes 'em so I would just be preachin' to the choir. Germs are gross. I agree. But the germaphobe that obsesses ( aside from my J-O-T-S obsession), may be worse. 

   Saturday night I'm out to dinner with a rather large group of friends. One of my girlfriend's, let's call her Summer, is seated directly to my right.  Now, mind you we are a large group and the waitress was quite busy. Thirsty and thoughtful, I decide to pour some of Summer's unused water into my glass.  Knowing that Miss Purell would flip if she saw the two lips of the glasses touch, I was very cautious to avoid this. As I set her glass down she stares (I mean lazer beams, lazer beams), sickened at the glass.  Assuming that she had not witnessed the transaction, I decide to explain ( or defend, whatever): "Dude! I totally DID NOT let the glasses touch!"  To which she replies, "You touched my glass though." What?! You know... because the bubonic plague is so relevant nowadays and whatnot.

    Fine, I let it go.  But, here's the kicker, today while talking to my friend Vanessa, whose nickname btw is Toes, alright, says "Well, she's let me eat off her plate before." She let Toes eat off her plate but freaks out when I touch her glass? Selective germaphobe...that sounds like a bunch of BS to me.  So, Vanessa promised that next weekend when she helps our buddy Sum move, she'll cough all over her belongings. In the meantime, I've been doing a little research online about germs, disgusting facts that no one has any business knowing, and tonight I will enlighten, and probably frighten her into paralysis with them. Like my mom always said, "You want something to cry about? I'll give ya something to cry about."

 

Arrested Development

Alright, so I have no fun pictures... and no funny stories about humiliating myself. However, I do have some super awesome good news. Oh yeah, three adjectives to describe it... it's that good. So, I think that David Cross is the funniest man alive. He is cynical and hateful and I love it! I also love to listen to comedy sketches while I work. I've listened to all of his about forty times over and I still laugh out loud. My brother told me that he recently heard David Cross was in a new movie, so of course, I decided to check it out. Guess what I found?  One of the funniest shows ever ( ever, ever) is being turned into a movie. That's right Arrested Development ( Jason Bateman, Portia de Rossi, Will Arnett, Michael Cera, and of course David Cross) is being turned into a full length feature film. I know, I know...it's a glorious day, right?  2009, me and my brother and tons of junk food smuggled in via my purse, at the movies laughing hysterically. I can't wait!

Karma's a bitch!

Hey, Katie Horner, thanks for ruining prime time television last night! Real cool. Aw, it wasn't so bad. Me and Am sat out on the deck watching the crazy storms roll in. It was quality time together.  She threw out some weather terms and raved about how awesome the storm was and I encouraged her to go back to college and get her degree in meteorology. Then I got pegged with a hail pellet. Which reminded me of a few years ago...when I decided to go head-to-head with karma. So, a couple of my friends tend to be a bit on the hippie side.  They own at least one tie-dye, drench themselves in patchouli, and often experiment with alternative deodorants. Lilac deodorant, organic mumbo jumbo, whatnot. Listen, it's called Speed Stick, don't complicate things hippies. Simple stuff, been around forever.  Needless to say I occasionally reject some of their philosophies. One night, while most likely on a cynical rant,  one of the hippies (we'll call them Sarah and Amy) say to me, "that's karma for you." To which I most likely replied along the lines of, "there's no such thing as karma, so save it!" Two seconds later a chunk of hail comes through the rolled down car window and pegs me in the head. The hippies laughed and laughed, feeling victorious. True story kids, take it from me, don't mess with karma in a hail storm.